my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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