Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
