My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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