are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
