Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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