I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
