Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
