you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
