...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
