Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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