He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
