I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
