TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
