I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
