i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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