You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
