I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
