Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
