Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
