it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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