Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
