found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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