She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
