Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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