I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
