Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
