just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
