I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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