So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
