I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
