Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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