Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
