In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize