haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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