rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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