I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
