A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
