By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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