You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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