wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
