I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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