Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
