I hate your face
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
