I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
