shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
