If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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