Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
