Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize