Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
