Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
