Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
