I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
