i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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