One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
