He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
