saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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