Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
