don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
