It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
