Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
