When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
