Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
