That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
