Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
