Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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