i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
