i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
