My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
