i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
