new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, beer. Big fan.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
