I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
