broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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