On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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